Grief During the Holidays: When Missing Someone Feels Overwhelming

Is This What You're Experiencing?

Grief at Christmas isn't just "missing someone." It's a collision of loss with a season built around togetherness. You might be:

• Dreading the empty chair at the table where someone used to sit
• Facing the first Christmas without a parent, partner, friend, or someone who was part of every holiday
• Feeling pressure to be "okay" because others expect you to have moved on by now
• Triggered by decorations, songs, and traditions that used to mean something different
• Exhausted by the performance of pretending you're in the holiday spirit
• Guilty for feeling sad when you "should" be celebrating
• Surprised by grief resurfacing even years after the loss

Grief during the holidays doesn't mean you're grieving wrong or that you haven't "processed" your loss. The season itself creates triggers that bring loss back to the surface.

Why Grieving at Christmas Feels So Much Harder

Holiday grief isn't just "regular grief in December." Several factors make this time uniquely difficult:

• Traditions highlight absence The rituals you used to do together now have a missing piece. Setting the table, opening gifts, holiday meals—every tradition is a reminder of who isn't there.
• Memory triggers are everywhere Songs, smells, decorations, and holiday routines can transport you back to times with the person you've lost—without warning.
• The expectation of joy adds pressure You're supposed to be happy during the holidays. Grief doesn't follow that script, and the gap between expectation and reality can feel crushing.
• Family gatherings amplify the void When everyone comes together, the absence becomes more visible—both to you and to others who might struggle to know what to say.
• Comparison with others' celebrations Seeing intact families, holiday posts, and celebration imagery can sharpen the awareness of what you've lost.
• "Should" statements pile up You "should" be over it. You "should" be able to enjoy Christmas by now. You "should" put on a brave face. These pressures don't help grief—they add to it.

Understanding why holiday grief feels harder can help you stop blaming yourself for struggling during what's supposed to be the "most wonderful time of year."

Professional Support for Holiday Grief

I'm Jesse Cynamon, a CRPO registered psychotherapist (#10979) who works with people navigating grief and loss. I don't tell you to "look for silver linings" or rush you through stages of grief that don't actually exist the way pop psychology describes.

Using evidence-based approaches including CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I help you work with your grief rather than fighting against it.

• No timeline pressure Grief doesn't follow a schedule, and I don't impose one.
• Practical coping for the holidays Strategies you can use now—not theoretical concepts for later.
• Space to feel what you feel Without judgment, platitudes, or pressure to "be positive."
• Same-week appointments Virtual therapy means you can access support during the hardest weeks without adding travel stress.

If you're facing the holidays with a heavy weight of grief, talking to someone who understands can make the season more bearable.

Navigating the Holidays While Grieving

There's no "right way" to handle the holidays after a loss. But these approaches can help make the season more manageable:

Lower Your Expectations

You don't have to do the holidays the way you used to. Give yourself permission to skip traditions that feel too painful, decline invitations that drain you, and do less than what others expect.

Plan Ahead for Hard Moments

Anticipate what might be difficult and have a plan:

• If certain traditions are triggering, decide in advance whether to participate, modify, or skip them
• Have an exit strategy for gatherings—it's okay to leave early
• Know who you can call or text if you need support in the moment

Create New Rituals (If You Want)

Some people find comfort in creating new ways to honor their loved one during the holidays—lighting a candle, sharing a memory, visiting a meaningful place. Others prefer not to. Neither is wrong.

Let People Know What You Need

Others may not know how to help or what to say. Being direct about what you need—whether that's space, company, or just acknowledgment that this is hard—can help both you and them.

Accept That Grief Comes in Waves

You might feel okay in the morning and devastated by evening. You might be fine at dinner and triggered by a song. Grief doesn't follow a linear path, especially during emotionally loaded times like holidays.

The First Christmas Without Someone

If this is your first holiday season after losing someone important, it's likely one of the hardest you'll face.

First holidays after a loss are uniquely painful because:

• Every tradition has to be done without them for the first time
• You're navigating not just grief but also uncertainty about how to proceed
• Others may expect you to "participate" in the season when you're still in shock
• The gap between what holidays used to feel like and what they feel like now is at its widest

If this is your first Christmas without someone:

• Don't expect it to feel normal. It won't, and that's not a failure.
• Plan minimally. You can always add activities; you can't take back overcommitment.
• Communicate with others. Let family know what you can and can't handle.
• Have support on standby. Know who you can reach out to if you need it.

When Holiday Grief Needs Professional Support

Grief is a normal response to loss. But sometimes professional support can help you navigate it, especially if:

• Grief is affecting your ability to function in daily life beyond just the holidays
• You're experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or emptiness
• Complicated factors—such as the nature of the loss, relationship difficulties, or traumatic circumstances—add layers to your grief
• You don't have a support system that understands what you're going through
• You want a space to process grief without worrying about burdening others

Grief therapy isn't about "getting over" your loss. It's about learning to carry it in a way that allows you to live alongside it—especially during the times of year when it feels heaviest.

Using Your Benefits Before Year-End

Most Ontario employer health plans reset January 1st. If you've been thinking about grief support, December is a strategic time to start:

• Most Ontario employers offer coverage for CRPO-registered psychotherapists
• Sessions are $175, and plans typically cover 80-100%
• I provide insurance-ready receipts for reimbursement
• December sessions use 2025 benefits; January sessions use 2026

Check your benefits portal or ask HR about your coverage. Many people have more mental health benefits than they realize.

Frequently Asked Questions

Virtual Therapy Across Ontario

Because sessions are virtual, you can access grief support from anywhere in Ontario—without adding a commute during an already difficult time.

• Toronto & GTA
• Ottawa
• Hamilton
• Mississauga
• London
• Kitchener-Waterloo

Why virtual works for grief: When you're grieving, leaving the house can feel impossible some days. Virtual sessions mean you can attend from wherever feels safe—your home, your office, wherever you have privacy.